Category Archives: my fkn feelings

Ponder of the Night:     Creativity     

So, I’ve had this blog for a long time. And, a lot of the times, I kind of wonder what to write in it. I mean, to some point my rants and vents must get old and annoying… I read other blogs and have a sense of jealously; it feels that the words just come naturally to them. They make reading the simplest things so inviting.

I never really started this blog as a means to gain followers, no that’s not really for me. Though, there really wasn’t a “goal” of “theme” to this blog neither… That said though these posts will live on in 1s and 0s in the internet; and in years to come, I’ll re-read them again, or, a partner/friend/family might read them. So, deep down, I kind of hope that they are entertaining, have some value, not to give joy per se, but not to waste someone’s time neither.

I get rather jealous of the creative types. I feel that I have always been a realist, a rational brain, going for the logical answer. I started to provide content for a local free paper that is produced by the company I am working for. And it has been rather fun, I get to have a lot of input in the content and direction of the pieces – but I worry so much that it’ll be boring because I can’t come up with the fun exciting texts that you read in magazines. I work hard to put the content down, I wonder if the words and ideas just come naturally to that of the creatively dominant brain?

Ponder of the Night:     Is it too good to be true?

I was lying in his arms, as he fell into deep sleep while my arm and leg was sprawled on top of him. Yet, he seemed so comfortable. I couldn’t quite sleep as there is a bunch of work related thoughts running in my head, so [creepily], I stare at him and I think to myself “Is it too good to be true? ah, a ponder.” Continue reading Ponder of the Night:     Is it too good to be true?

2018: Happy New Year!

2017, you’ve been a rollercoaster. You started with such a big bang! A determination, an ambition, a drive. In the middle, when I expected a high, you let me fall and crash. At the end, you picked up my broken pieces and embraced me; opening doors of opportunities, professionally and personally. And on the last day, 31 Dec, you shone so bright.

At points, I wished you away, and to go back the years.
Now, I appreciate, so very much, every challenge you threw my way to help me grow.

For that,  2017, thank you for every minute you gave me. I’ll miss you and remember you fondly. 2018, I look forward to what you’ll bring to the table. Come at me!

Happy new year to you and yours, from me and mine <3
May your 2018 be filled with love, happiness and adventures!!

Unfolding Magic

Feature photo from: The Angry Therapist

So, I’ve been wondering if/how I should write this. Seeing as that I am a fiend for logs, I figured I should. I tend to like to re-read history so to speak. Facebook’s “On This Day” is possibly one of the most exciting parts of my day on Facebook.

I’ve been so guarded, and I guess this is a human survival instinct? I feel like each time I get into a relationship, I allow myself to feel less and less; so that I don’t get hurt even more than the previous time. I have a glass ceiling for my emotions. I protect my heart, because no one else will. I know if I invest, I give everything, and then I lose everything. I am risk averse. Continue reading Unfolding Magic

Strengths & Weaknesses

8 years ago, a boy told her, her financial ability to never rely on another and never to worry about living a decent life, was a weakness. She thought this was a strength. This made her doubt herself.

5 years ago, a boy told her, her blunt-ness and ability to talk to everyone in the room, was a weakness. She grew up being told this was appreciated, she thought it was her greatest strength. This crippled her being and sew her mouth shut.

Now, another boy told her, her ambition and drive is no good for him. She thought she created a strength, an armour, for herself out of the apathy that was her life. This emptied her and made her question her worth.

One day soon, she hopes to trust fully of what she knows;
Her strength and self-worth are not measured by another.