Hope you had a good flight home.
Since you moved out, there’s been alot of my head and my heart the past 6 months; alot of thanks, and, alot of hurts. Thank you for being such a great bun-dad. Thank you for helping me with my zoo even though we weren’t together anymore, thank you for waking up when I called to help catch Gin, thank you for all the chats and coffees. Thank you for reaching out for one last catch up.
I’m sorry for interrupting your farewell, I had said “Hey” a few times, and when the music finally stopped, my voice was already at its loudest. I should have used the doorbell. So, thank you for not holding it against me.
Why didn’t you empty the apartment? You’ve let me see what you left behind, again. Why did you have to tell me you were flying to Berlin the moment you landed home in the UK; why did you have to tell me you were welcoming this distraction when you made the decision to go home? I feel so insignificant to you that you rather go home that try to make a relationship work, but before you even get there, you want to escape it.
Though you are right to say we are different, you made it very clear last August you no longer wanted to be here, yet to lied to yourself, to me, that you did. I’m sure by the end of it you also knew what it is to feel loneliness with someone in bed next to you. Whatever you may tell yourself, acknowledge that you never making this place your home, you never considered me in your future. And now, to tell me you want to escape from home, is yet another thousand arrows into my heart that thought it didn’t miss you. It brings back all the memories of the thoughtless words you said that demeaned all my efforts to help you make this town home.
It also bring back the happy times, that I thought was erased from my consciousness. For you, I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for, a purpose for being and to lose that apathy you have decided is you. To find the courage to make a effort to find happiness instead to settling in contentment.
For me, life before you was great; and life after you, will also be, equally as great :)